I always knew I wanted to be married!
I started writing my "list" of important qualities for a husband when I was in junior high!
First on the list: I wanted him to have a personal relationship with Jesus. I wanted him to know his Savior, and I wanted us to be on the same page spiritually.
It was also important that he love his family, and treat his parents with respect. If he could treat them respect, that was a good indication that he would also be willing to treat me with respect.
Also important on the list: my parents must approve.
Some people don't agree with this one, but think about it........if family is important to you, then you will be spending time with them, and all will be happier if your family likes your spouse. My parents also LOVE me, and want the best for me. They might see something I don't see. Who would want me to choose the right one more than my parents?
The man of my dreams would also need to love children! He would want to take an active role in parenting, and we would be on the "same page" as far as children and family are concerned.
Important on my personal list is that I wanted to have opportunities to serve God in mission work, and I wanted a husband with a heart for our community, our country, and the world.
Ok....I also had "handsome" on my list!
I love traveling, so I also put "loves to travel" on my list of requirements for a husband.
I didn't want to marry someone that did "his thing" while I did "my thing". I wanted to get married to have a relationship with my husband, and for us to enjoy spending time together, so it would be important to me that my spouse that would have those same things as his priority.
Next on this list would be money, work, and all things like that: I wanted a man with ambition, drive, and dreams. Not that I want to be "rich" materially, but my dad was very hardworking and ambitious, and those are qualities that were top of my list! I did want basic needs met, and a husband who believed God put HIM as head of the household, and he would want to lead!
As with most little girls, I dreamed of my wedding. What kind of gown I wanted, what flowers I would want, the color of the dresses, etc.
It would be special, with all of my family and friends there!
Then.....when I was a teenager, I didn't really do much dating. When I did, the few guys that I did date, did NOT meet any of the requirements on my list. So as I started college, my focus was going to be on getting good grades, not worrying about dating. There would be time for that after college.
Then, I met Dave. He was best friends with a guy that was often hanging out with the girls in my dorm. Within just a few months of dating, I knew that he was the ONE for me! He met ALL of the requirements on my list, AND MORE! We were engaged on my 20th birthday, and married 7 months later. That was 34 1/2 years ago.
Have the roads all been smooth? NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Has life been easy? Absolutely not!!!!
Did I marry the RIGHT guy? A resounding YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I see so many young girls who "settle".
They long to be loved by someone....ANYONE!
They give away their purity to the first boy who makes them "feel" pretty and special, and then that guy breaks their heart and doesn't cherish the gift they gave away, and then, the cycle continues, and you can never erase the hurts and cannot get your purity back.
God does a great job of restoring broken hearts, and giving us second chances.....but the first time can only be given once.
When God created marriage, love, and sex, he designed it to be within marriage.
Do you think he did that to punish us, or keep something good "from" us? NO!!!!
God's design was for you to have the BEST! He knows that he "did good" when he created all of that physical love stuff, and that once a relationship "goes there", there is no going back, and often it "stops" the learning about each other stuff, and relationships get clouded.
It's all about how I "feel", and how he/she makes me "feel".
Women give their "all" when they give their bodies. It's emotional, and physical, and even spiritual. Though men take sex seriously too, God wired them differently.
They can care about someone, but the sex drive is so strong, that they can give their bodies without giving their total hearts commitment.
This can cause so many struggles.
I think it's funny how some young people think you have to "live" with someone before you marry them to see if you are a match. MY thoughts here are that if you spend time getting to know each other WITHOUT sex, and focus on learning about each other, families, and each other's friends, you learn more than necessary to make an informed decision on a life partner.
Many young girls want a relationship with a guy so badly, thinking they need it to validate their worth. Does this make sense? How do you choose who gets to validate your worth? What if they do make you feel validated for a while, and then the relationship ends?
These girls, too quickly, give their heart, and their body before either the guy nor the girl are ready for this type of relationship. She expects him to meet all of her love needs, and things end badly.....often with little children who have joined the family, and they must deal with all of the emotional trauma of it all.
Marriage can be TERRIFIC! Marriage can be a NIGHTMARE----if you marry the wrong one!
If you do it right, and marry the right one, you love, learn, and grow together through all of the trials, challenges, and change of life.
If you marry the wrong one, you've pledged the rest of your life to the WRONG ONE!
If one or both marriage partners will commit to grow and change and become what is necessary to become to make the marriage good and "right", it can work, but a lot of heartache could have been saved.
No matter who you marry, it will NOT be smooth sailing. There are two separate people here who have their own ideas, and ways of doing things. Change, compromise, commitment, growth, and forgiveness are such a big part of making a marriage work.
If being married is something you desire with your whole heart....take this up with God! Tell Him your desires. Seek what he has to say about it in His Word. Then, go to work! Work? Yup!!
You need to become the woman of HIS DREAMS!
While you are waiting for the man of YOUR dreams, you need to work to become the woman of HIS!
If you are focused on wanting God's best for you, and working to become all you want to be as a wife who has a heart for God....the wait won't be so "long", and at just the right time, you will meet the ONE you've been waiting for.
Don't worry, and don't settle. God's BEST for your life is WORTH waiting for!
Are you ready?
Here are some suggestions on books to read to help you get ready.....or if you are married, and need to "go back" and have a "do-over"....these are just a sampling of great books out there on preparing for marriage, and making it work.
"Becoming the Woman of His Dreams" by Sharon Jaynes
"The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman
"For Better or Best" by Gary Smalley
"Passion and Purity" by Elisabeth Elliot
"How to Listen to God" by Charles Stanley
and many many more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm praying for you! I really am, RIGHT NOW!
May your heart be saved for the one God has for you.
May you want HIS BEST in a mate.
May your commitment to your mate be lifelong, and may you be blessed beyond anything you could ask or imagine!
God loves you, and wants to give you the desires of your heart!
Pam
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